My Grandfather

My grandfather passed away this past Saturday morning: March 22nd, 2025. He was 93.

Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. My grandfather is one of the most loved of all my loved ones. What I liked in others, I loved in him. He didn’t just walk through life, he danced with time. I’m going to miss him very much.

It was one of the most exciting times of my childhood when I learned that we were making a trip up to New York to visit Grandpa and Grandma. I simply loved it. At the end of each visit, my grandfather would pull us in for a hug and a kiss. He would squeeze like he was pulling you down into his heart, hardly willing to let us depart. I don’t often remember him saying the word “goodbye,” instead he would smile and cheerfully proclaim, “So long, Nathaniel!”

This past Thursday, I got the call that I should come visit quickly. I arrived to see him a few hours later and had private time to sit by his bed and talk. I looked at his face while he rested and I saw the face that brought so much joy to my life. It was different, but the same. I prayed with him that the sting of death with subside and that when he embarked on this final journey, the passage would be peaceful and without terror. I thanked him for being the man he was, for the countless things he taught me, and for the example he was to me. Maybe his final lesson to me was an example of grace, peace, and bravery in the face of the uncertainty of death.

While I was writing this last night, it was almost as if I could hear Grandpa whisper to me that the time of our lives we spent together was time well spent. And those hugs weren’t to pull me into his heart, instead, they were to pull him into my heart. He truly did not die while he lived and he used the life he was given.

When I got in my car to drive home, I put on the song “California” by U2. “There is no end to grief, that’s how I know, there is no end to love.” Fitting. There is no end to my love for Grandpa. The grief that stays with me will be a reminder of that always. Where I find grief, I know there is also love. So long, Grandpa. I love you.

"For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:" –2 Corinthians 5:1, 2.

Don't plan. Do work.

People who make things happen: speed.

Don't overthink, over-plan, or wait for the perfect moment (it never comes.) Move. 

Go from idea to action in the time it takes them to write their plan.

While others are debating, researching, or hesitating, you should be learning, adjusting, and making progress.

Success doesn't go to the person who had the best idea. It goes to the one who actually did something about it.

When you stop trying to be unique, you become original

The pursuit of the artist is the pursuit of what has never been done. When the artist decides that he is a master, his career is over. The continual evolution of doing things better is the fuel that drives a good artist.

Nothing comes from nowhere. Even what the artist thinks is a unique or creative idea is nothing more than an amalgamation of things he’s seen before. The good artists recognize this. We must be thieves and we must be crafty enough not to get caught.

Stop trying to be cute and unique. It’s killing your ability to work. Read this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”

Hurry when you get the chance

You can’t spend every waking hour squeezing as much productivity out of yourself as possible. There is a time to move along smoothly and calmly. There are moments when you can take advantage of brief sprints where you can hurry and be ultra-productive.

When you have the chance, don’t shy away from the hustle. Seize the opportunity to hurry and go quickly.

In physical labor, moving things around and handling material is 80% of the work.

In corporate labor, communication and passing information around is 80% of the work.

In cognitive labor, thinking and reading are 80% of your work.

In what you do, always be doing one of those three things. When you have the opportunity to communicate, do it. Don’t wait. Do it now. It’s 80% of your work.

Change happens whether you adapt or not

Change doesn’t care if you’re comfortable, making money, or running a successful operation. Change always comes.

We can anticipate the change and take advantage of it when it comes, or we can run away and be paralyzed by fear.

The quicker we begin to make small changes, the more we prepare ourselves to make bigger changes. The faster we let go of old ways of doing things, the sooner we can adapt to the new. Save the knowledge and fundamentals from the old while adjusting the execution to take advantage of new ways of doing things.

Change will happen. Will you be ready to take advantage?

Take what they offer

If they offer you water, take the drink. If they offer to help you take things to your car, accept the help graciously. Not only is it good to practice the art of accepting the help others offer, but it helps form a connection with the person offering you something.

Next time somebody offers, take what they offer.

Notes to myself

State your vision, set standards, and let your team know how their work is furthering the collective goals of the group.

Within that framework, be fair and firm. Always set a good example. Never complain. Praise good effort and brilliance anywhere you see it. Offer clear direction and training where anyone needs assistance or help.

You’re in the position you’re in for a reason. Don’t worry about what they think of you.

My new 30/90 work balance

I’ve been trying a new balance in my work this year.

I begin work with a 30-minute break before launching into a 90-minute “deep work” session. No distractions, music, phone, background noise, etc…

During the 30 minutes, I pursue break-time activities that enrich my life, body, and intellect. Walking, stretching, running, working out, reading, writing, practicing new skills, and more.

It’s only been about one month, but the results are great. Let’s see where I am by summertime.

Rigid top-down leaders

A rigid leader who demands all is done according to his method and his standard is a great solution when a company is in crisis and needs solid direction now. However, the cost of this leadership is an environment of reclusiveness and fear.

A leader with a top-down decision-making process will kill young ideas. This will cause people to feel disrespected and thus will sop bringing new or novel ideas forward. People also lose their sense of accountability. Performance falls if that leader is not running person to person shouting that they uphold “the standard.”

Leaders like this erode the pride and satisfaction high performers take in the work they do. Most people are not motivated by money alone.

When the company is losing money and needs rapid and direct change, this rigid leader is the perfect person to bring in as a leader. People need to be shocked to work in new and effective ways. He can do that. However, if he sticks around much after the crisis is finished, the results are very negative.

Why is it so difficult?

I was sitting in my car at the gas station after filling my tank when I had a feeling of my skin tightening around me. That’s what happens when I feel stress or anxiety about something I am about to do, or when I know I am leaving something undone that I need to be getting done.

Why is it so hard to re-establish good habits? I’ve gone four days straight without going to the gym or riding my bike, and it’s been at least twice that since I’ve read through my books and wrote a blog post here.

Work swallows me up, I get tired, and I convince myself that I’ll start again tomorrow. That never works, but I still fall for the trick every time.

I don’t even have anything to write about this morning, but I just need to write to alleviate the pressure. It’s easy when I just start typing–even if I have nothing to say.

Push so hard they don't like you

If you’re not being criticized for the things you do, you’re not pushing hard enough. When they get mad and attack you, it’s because you’re getting thing done. Rocking the boat makes the comfortable man mad. Criticism comes with success. If you’re not being criticized, you’re not pushing hard enough. Push so hard they get angry.

Engaging the reader

You can only fulfill the purpose of what you’re writing about if you engage your reader. Who are they and what makes them tick?

This is particularly important in business. If you know what your people care about, you can speak about those things and gain their attention.

Clarify the essential part of your message and write in a way that conveys the heart of the matter in the first 15 seconds.

After sharing the essential issue, then begin explaining how you got there.

Respect the reader’s time and intellect. Engage them on the ground where they are comfortable.

Think about what could go wrong

The optimist dreams about what could go right. The pessimist has nightmares of what could go wrong. But you should do both.

If unexpected blows fall heaviest, we can mitigate pain and suffering by thinking on things that could go wrong while preserving our right to dream about what will go right.

Then execute and if it goes right, you win. If it goes wrong, at least the blow will not land as heavy.

Being “smarter” isn’t better

Just because you’re smarter doesn’t mean you’re acting smarter right now. Smarter people are often tormented with the curse of paralysis by analysis more than any other group.

That person you think is dumb is kicking your butt because he doesn't get in his own way and he starts working toward his goal without overthinking and frightening himself.

Your hope of winning fades as quickly as your fear of failing grows. We have “nothing to fear but fear itself,” because fear of the unknown prevents us from acting.

But, uncertainty doesn’t last for long. Uncertainty at the start of something new ends very quickly. Meanwhile you're still sitting there thinking and convincing yourself that you'll start later (when you're "ready.") We learn the right way to do things when we start doing them and make adjustments while we go.

Inaction breeds unrest and anxiety. Inactivity causes you to lose your competitive edge. The man who starts; wins. Imagine what you would do if you weren’t afraid.

What do you tell yourself?

If you want to do great things, first, you must tell yourself that you can and then find a way to believe you can. Without that, you might as well sit and wait for the grass to grow.

This is harder than I remember

To sit still is hard enough. To sit and rest my mind is even harder. But to sit still, rest my mind, and think about things to write about feels nearly impossible some days.

It’s particularly difficult coming back after nearly a year away from writing every day.

The resistance I feel to getting back to regularly writing will (hopefully) serve as a reminder to keep doing things that are personally good for me even if it begins to grow mundane, or I convince myself that it is no longer important (and therefore no longer find the time for it.)

The meditative nature of writing is helpful in and of itself –that makes writing every day worth it.

Management and learning how to be better

I’m about to tell the story of a bit of a self-awakening I had last week. I woke up after a very stressful Wednesday evening which turned into giving away most of Thursday because I was not willing to let go the irritation of Wednesday. I learned that what I know about managing people is not good enough. I need to learn more. I need to practice even more.

Until now I have had both an affiliative style and a democratic style to my leadership. The affiliative style builds up team members and is useful for increasing team harmony and encourages all to be a bit happier. However, this style often allows for poor performance to go unchecked and often does not offer useful advice. The democratic style seeks to give the team members a voice in decisions, assuming this will increase team buy-in and flexibility, and two-heads-are-better-than-one will lead to better outcomes. However, this style can lead to endless meetings, indecision, confusion, and frustration among team members.

The question I am working on is how and what I need to change. I have a stack of books on management that I will be reading through in the coming weeks. This will not be my last blog post about management.

What about now?

We have worry and regret about the past or the future, but almost never “the now.” Yet we waste right now taking this additional burden on ourselves. It does nothing but give away the present moment. Let us not forget, that our life is made up of many present moments one after another. Give away fewer present moments.

Personal photography in 2025

If you build kitchen cabinets for a living, you probably don’t want to build new ones for your own kitchen after you’ve gotten home from a day of building cabinets.

That’s how I feel at times about photographing my kids. I have all of this wonderful equipment, but it can sometimes feel like it’s only there for work. Meanwhile our lives are passing by and I am letting beautiful photograph after beautiful photograph slip away. They’re memories that I’ll never get back. Why don’t I keep a camera at my side at all moments? I don’t understand.

This year, I am changing. I will make a photo book of family photos each month. Fun moments, hard moments, growing moments, mundane moments. Stuff that we can look back on and remember later. The car, the couch, the blender, the hair cut, the old t-shirt, and dad’s “fat phase” (I’m working on it, cut me some slack.)

My oldest daughter will pick up the camera as well. She has an eye for it even where the technical hasn’t quite caught up. But it will. She could be very good if she tries.

I’ve attached a few of her photos from this week right here.

Clara, me, Collette.

Baby Penelope.

Penelope was in one of her best moods on this morning.

Controlling Stress

I’ve heard it’s a skill that you can improve upon. Controlling stress and mitigating internal damage from major stressors is still very difficult for me after all of these years of working on it. Outwardly, I think I can march forward, but I still allow certain stressful things to get in the way at the worst times.

Acute, but temporary stress is good for my system and makes me a better practitioner in the end. I just need to work on being more graceful in the beginning and middle parts.