One thing I question about the “self-esteem” generation is when we confuse accurate feedback with unconditional love. The thought seems to be, "If I give accurate feedback, I'm being mean."
To love and encourage a child is good (and necessary!) to build a thoughtful and confident person.
But the confusion about giving honest feedback ignores the fact that children can take loving (but honest) feedback and improve!
We must build our children’s confidence by guiding them to success that will work in the world outside of the home. Their peers will not have the same love their parents have.
Mistakes are opportunities to teach and learn. Accurate feedback along with encouragement is the way to do this.
I believe this to be the case with new students/novices as well as children.
When we tell the child that the work they did was great, when it was terrible, undercuts our credibility in all things we teach them. The moment they have the “ah-ha” moment that you always told them they were great at everything is the moment that they are suddenly and catastrophically deflated of all self-confidence they might have had.
Accurate feedback keeps your child grounded in reality and binds the confidence of the child and the trust they have in you with a strong bond.